Goodbyes Suck

Derek was the kind of person you don't meet every day. He's also the kind of person you can't ever forget. He was one of us, a carny trash expat living in Macau, running away with the circus.

He was loud. Boy, was he loud. You could hear him from every corner of the theater. He was different. Quite possibly the most unique person I have ever met. He was about 6'6", glasses, piercings, scar art, tattoos - some good, some...choice, dreadlocks, Texan. Rocked the argyle and the bandana. He always had a bandana. And the wife beater, because the heaters in this place are always on. He's the only person I have ever known to successfully wear a sweater vest without looking like a major tool. He always said hello, even when it was obvious his day was going a lot worse than your's. Always.

He loved Macau. And when I say he loved Macau, I mean he loved us. He knew what the rest of us can be so quick to forget: these people get in your blood and stay there. He got into a spot of trouble here and had to leave us before he was ready; he knew he had messed up and he took the consequences like a man. But he was always around. Crazy suspension photos on Facebook, a like for your status or photo, a snarky comment. I thought he was invincible. He wasn't in Macau as long as some, but he left us with more memories and funny stories than most.

And now he won't be around anymore.

Heart of gold, I swear.

The only Derek story I want to share is this: back in my first winter in Macau, we were leaving work as a group. I was wearing my pompom hat, braids, mittens with flaps on them, and my bright pink parka with my backpack. I'm sure I looked 12. We went tripping merrily through the casino on our way to the bar and the security guard stopped us. Derek was the only one who understood what this man was asking and said, "It's Ok. She's 18. She's with us." I could not have been more different than the rest of the group, and Derek made me feel right there that I was a part of something here in Macau.

Derek's love for Macau (re: us) was the subject of great debate Monday night after we learned of his passing and we finally realized, some of us, how lucky we are. I wish I could live in a bubble with some of the people I have met here for the rest of my life. I can't. Macau itself prevents that. But these people are my family. We live together, eat together, play together, and now we grieve together. Two years of my life with these people. In the trenches. Derek only had one year with us and he never forgot us. I hope I can do the same.

And if for some reason I go young, I want there to be no doubt: lift a corona for me at the pub (or a soda water with real lime - none of that lime cordial crap). Play Journey's Greatest Hits Live and as many 80s songs as you can think of. The good ones - hair bands, Queen, Springsteen, Whitney, etc,. I wish people would tell funny stories about me, laugh for me, cry for me - but not too many tears, because I would want to bring people together. Those of us left in Macau who knew Derek got together at the pub Monday night and lifted one up for him, told his stories, remembered the old days of Macau. It was nice, we don't really do that: just get the old crew together. That's the nature of our business: it's a revolving door for technicians. We like the new people, but sometimes you need someone who understands. We're never alone in this world. Not as long as there are people like Derek in it.

Godspeed Derek Hall Burford. You were a true original and your light in this world will be sorely missed.

Wanderlust

I have an undeniable urge to travel.

I feel unsettled knowing how enormous the world is and that I will only ever see a part of it in my lifetime. But I want that part to be as big as I can possibly make it.

That is one of the biggest reasons I do what I do. It enables me to see things, do things, experience things that I would never see or do otherwise. Some people dream all their lives of being able to travel. Their work fantasy is quitting their job and traveling. My job takes me those places inherently. I know how lucky I am. In my business, it is entirely possible to work for two years and take six months off to travel. You might even have people in other countries to visit!

Since I moved East, I have been to seven countries and countless cities I would never have made it to otherwise. I became a certified scuba diver and that introduced me to another entire world of possibilities.

Erin and I talked a few times about people in America who will never have their passport, and that number of people is staggering, I am sure. In the interest of fairness, they don't necessarily need it. The States is full of new experiences and places and is huge enough to spend a lifetime exploring, all on its own. In fact {after being born in Cali and growing up in Louisiana}, I spent two years traveling up the east coast and was content to experience DC, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, New York, Maryland, Virginia. I've spent countless hours in Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, Georgia.  I have traveled the States: Colorado, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Tennessee, Rhode Island, Nevada, South Carolina, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, West Virginia. By my count and memory, I am at 25 of the 50 states. But I am still discontented. I want to see them all.

When I moved to China, I realized how difficult my epic quest to see all the corners of the world will be. I want to see the sun set over the white buildings of Mykonos in Greece, visit the pyramids of Saqqara I studied in art history, experience the bazaars and coffee of Turkey, be amazed by the tulips of the Netherlands, feel the sand of a Croatian beach under my feet, eat my way through Italy while being awed by the thousands of years of history I studied in school being right in front of my face. Maybe even compare the country of Portugal to the Portugese colony of Macau and speak Spanish in Spain. How awesome would that be???

When I was little, my grandmother traveled all the time. She was an English teacher to foreign students at LSU for 30+ years. She had the travel bug too. I remember her loving Venetian glass, bringing me back keychains from all over: Turkey, Italy, France, Canada (I've never even been to Canada or Mexico!), Mexico, she loves Mexico! I want to be like my grandmother. Have wonderful adventures to tell my neices and nephews that I will one day have about. Maybe inspire them to see the world and not settle.

Having to choose places to see and go makes me unhappy, but I have to be practical. I am still young enough that I have time. I have no debt, no responsibilities. I have money saved from this job, and while I cannot spend it all, I can put aside a portion of those savings and have an adventure to go into the record books. Another one, for moving to China definitely qualifies as one of those.

So I plan. I dream. I lust after that road less traveled. Because this world was not built by traveling on a highway. It was forged by dreamers who dared to adventure. People like me who refused to believe the world ended where they knew it. People who constantly sought their next destiny. Why should we have only one?

For Mickey

I did not know Mickey Shunick. She was a friend of a friend. But I would like to take a heartbeat to salute her bravery and courage in the face of something I hope none of you ever have to face.

Mickey disappeared in Lafayette in May. My father is from Lafayette; my grandparents, uncle, cousins still live there. She was riding her bike home from a friend's house and vanished. About a week later, there was surveillance footage of her riding her bike on the street that night. She never made it home.

She was missing until last week, when her body was found in a cemetary about thirty miles outside of Lafayette; police were led there by her killer. A man who had killed before.

Mickey was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She fought for her life. She had mace and used it, she was smart, she did not panic, she was determined. She did everything she should and evil took her life away.

But I want everyone to know that she is remembered. There was a massive manhunt for her when she disappeared that did not let up. She was obviously loved and seems to have touched at least everyone in Louisiana through someone else, if not by her own hand.  Sometimes people are taken from us too soon and I do not want to live without everyone I love knowing I love them.

Things can change in a heartbeat. And it sounds so cliche but if you left the world today, would you be satisfied with how it ended? I know I wouldn't. But starting today, I no longer want to regret. I want to talk to my family as often as I can. I want my friends to know I love them, not think I am pissed off at them. I want my coworkers to know I appreciate the hard work they put in, even when I am a bear to work with.

So today, in Mickey's honor, I start living my life again. I can only hope to live it half as well as she did.

Uh Oh, I Feel a Soapbox Moment Coming On...

I have a secret. I'm not actually 18 anymore. I am of an age where people are getting married and having kids.  If we're being honest, my friends have been doing that for... A while now. Which is great!

For them.

I have never been the conventional girl. In high school and college, I was always busy doing something. I was in clubs, extra-cirricular activities, studying, working, going to football games with my dad. Because that was the way I liked it. That's the way I wanted to do things. I like being busy. I like the thrill of flirting from one extreme to the next. I like not having down time because when you have down time, you think.

But here's the caveat.

I have never pretended to be anything else.

I have always pushed myself, challenged myself. When I'm not, I'm not happy. I'm bored, useless, listless.  I thrive on no sleep, adrenaline rushes.  I work best under pressure. I know all of this about myself.

I have never wanted to be "settled down". I don't know if that means married, I don't know if that means kids. What I do know is that where I am right now is exactly where I need to be. And I relish that for what it is. One day, hopefully very far down the road, I will look back on all of my experiences and say "Hmm. That's what led me here."  I honestly believe that it will all fall into place like a well put together puzzle one day.

Sometimes I think my family must be disappointed in me. I wasn't content to stay home, in the South, get married, stand in a kitchen barefoot and pregnant, bakin' pies and washin' clothes.

Instead, I moved to Louisville, then DC, then halfway around the world to Macau. And though I hear the South calling me home, I resist, because I know that contentment lies therein. And I absolutely know just how dangerous a thing contentment can be.

Don't get me wrong, my family has never done anything but love and support me and help me move all the way to China if that's what I thought I needed to do. My mom always tells me how tired she is of moving me all over the world. That being said, she would do it again tomorrow if I asked her to.

So if I get a tattoo, if I dread my hair, if I dye those dreds hot hot hot pink, and then I pierce my ears all the way up the side, I'm not doing it because I want to buck the trend or rebel. I'm doing it because I want to and I want everyone to know that I'm not afraid of what this world thinks or of this life. We only get one on this earth as far as I know, and I want to live it right. My way or the highway.

Guess Who Has Two Thumbs

And is movin' and shakin'.

THIS GIRL.

I was super productive today.

I started on some progress because today was a "let's make progress" sort of day.  Let's just leave it at that. I have lots of plans.

Learning not one, but TWO languages. Well, learning one, re-learning the other.  Online classes - GENIUS.  New favorite, for sure.  I miss learning new things, so I'm super stoked about this whole being a student again concept.  Non-matriculating, but you never know where it might lead. Maybe I'll finish those minors in Spanish and Art History...

Looked up bridesmaid's dresses for Brother's wedding.  Picked out some styles I liked, sent them to Mom.  Shoes will obviously have to wait until I get there for the wedding, there will be no shoe shopping in China. Ever. Ever. Again.

Did a lot of paperwork. A lot. And emailing. Good emails.  Productive emails.

All of this whilst watching the Olympics and nursing a sick ear.  Diving made my ear very sad today and while it scared the living daylights out of me, it'll get better in a couple of days.  Worse than the ear pain from not being able to equalize on my ascent was the doctor sticking cotton bathed in alcohol up my nasal cavity without warning muttering in a barely distinguishable Portugese accent the entire time. Surprise! UGH THAT HURT.  Yes, it hurt a little, but you breathe better. Oh great, thanks then. IT HURTS. Jerk.

Better luck next time.

I'm also going to start planning an epic EuroRail trip.  I'm going to start being very busy very soon.  And I like it.

It's been a long time since anything lit a fire under me like this.  I feel really really good again. And hopeful and kinda crazy, good crazy, like I can do anything I want crazy.

It's about time.

July Wrap Up

July was kind of a tough month.  And by that, I mean the first two weeks were the worst since I moved out here.  I went absolutely mental and ended up breaking out in hives due to stress.

The lovely four bedroom apartment I had lived in since I moved here two years ago was sold, so Sean and I had to apartment hunt, which was pure, unadulterated torture in Macau, and then move, which was probably even worse because it's about one thousand degrees outside and moving in that is so not fun. Even if it is only six blocks from your old apartment. That being said, the new apartment is decent and I think we're settling in. I have a Chinese kitchen now, which is not so great, but I'll deal and then overcompensate when I come home and buy my own home.  In typical American fashion.

Then Erin moved home.  Holy moly do I miss my wife.  It's very very lonely in Macau when your bestie leaves and all of the sudden you're the only one on days again and no one can play because they work nights and your standing dinner date is all of the sudden... not standing anymore. I felt very pathetic and lonely for a solid couple weeks, but work keeps me busy and I don't feel quite so sorry for myself right now, but...  You know, still kinda.

The morning Erin left, I got hives. Totally charming. Thankfully, they are mostly gone and I need to remember I am prone to breaking out in hives in times of high stress.  Note to self.

The Olympics are on, so that's a huge distraction, somehow I end up with fully packed weekends even if I plan to have a weekend in, and we're slowly but surely settling into the new apartment.

We had a typhoon.  That was great. Lots of freak out over what equates to roughly a Category 1 hurricane.  I was less than impressed, but there was some good gusts of wind and lots of rain.  I don't know, I'm probably jaded after living through some pretty intense storms in LA.  I mean, I vividly remember standing outside in our front yard in the eye of Andrew and being amazed at the wall of clouds and how calm that center of the storm was.  And then that bitch Katrina that was certainly a watershed event in my life and the life of the Gulf Coast as a whole.  Eh well, it was something different, for sure.

30 Day Challenge

One of my friends here is a very very smart individual. Rich is almost too smart for his own good. Three weeks ago, I was having a drink at the pub with Rich and our friend The Gov when Rich decided we should all take a 30 day challenge as per the TED Talk ideal.  Our challenge: take the stairs at work for 30 days. There are only 8 floors at work that most people work on, so it seemed like a good idea at the time.  I work a lot on our basement floors and there are 4 of those, so about two days into the challenge, we realized the rules needed to be ammended...slightly. The new rules: first time you walk into the building - ALWAYS take the stairs.  If you're wearing pants, after the first climb you may take the elevator up. Down is not an option - Stairs.

The week we start tomorrow will be our last week of the challenge and my has it been eye-opening.

I plan my day much better and more efficiently now. If I am in need of a trip to B1, I think about all the things I might be capable of taking care of whilst I am down there. I do not spend half of my day waiting on an elevator that inevitably seconds before I pressed the button was on my floor, but has managed to slip away by the time I need it. It's much faster to just automatically take the stairs.

That being said, I will OF COURSE be more than pleased when I no longer am forced to take the stairs from B3 to L8. That is one long stair climb, ya'll.

The 30 Day Challenge, though, is a great practice in itself.  You take something you've been meaning to do or wanting to do and for 30 days, you do it. Pretty simple. Straightforward. No tricks, no hidden meanings.

Rich and I went to the movies with his lovely wife last night and afterwards, Rich and I discussed our next 30 Day Challenge. The next one is going to be tough for me, but that is the point of a "challenge". It'll probably make me feel uncomfortable sometimes and force me to think about a lot of things I may or may not (read: may) have been avoiding. But I am pretty excited about it and since I do not want to spoil the surprise ending, I will let you know when the next challenge begins.

Let me warn you, it's pretty good. Maybe you should get on board.