Bowties and Hugs

Today, my heart is truly broken.

I had trouble writing this post and it took me a couple of days to get through because I just do not want to admit he's gone.

My dear friend Robert has moved on from this world and gone to be with the Lord. I cannot emphasize how much this man and his friendship mean to me.

I am filled with regret at not taking the journey to Israel with him. I will never stop regretting that choice. Because it would have meant seeing my friend again, getting another hug, receiving more words of encouragement in an way that only he knows how to give.

If ever there was a beacon of God's grace, it was Robert Chance.

My mom said it perfectly: "He had a way of making everyone feel like they had a special relationship with them, that they were his favorite." But every relationship he cultivated was special, because he truly cared.

The last couple of times I spoke to Robert, we were emailing back and forth. I had decided to come home from Macau and he was encouraging. As always. He never stopped believing in me. He promised I would get work and wrote how happy he was to be slowing down. He loved his work, but he was over the moon about his new grandson and wanted to have plenty of time to watch him grow up.

I can't tell you a special story about him, or anything that stands out right now. He was just always there. He guided me through my confirmation, he taught all of my disciple classes with Sherri and Don, he was always there when I came home to give me a hug and went out of his way to greet me when I made it to church after a time away because he missed me. Even if it meant we were the last two people standing. He always made me feel important.

Robert Chance was St. Timothy's UMC to me and I am gutted at the idea of stepping back into that church and knowing I will not see his face. I don't know if I can do it. I may not be strong enough. There were times when I doubted the church and I still do because the church is human and I know enough to know just how fallible a church can be. But Robert was different. He had a gift for people and he was magnetic. His laugh, which I can hear clear as a bell even though it's been almost a year since we last saw each other, his kind eyes, his hugs, his smell. The ubiquitous bow tie. The epitome of a gentleman. The likes of which the world may never know again.

When I was in high school, and having a particularly rough time, Robert made me feel comfortable around adults. He and the MacMasters made me realize that adults can be pretty cool. He was understanding and empathetic. He was practical, honest, and gentle. His passion for the Lord and for Israel I can remember even back then. I always wanted to take that trip to Israel with him and now I'll never have the chance.

But I'm lucky: my mom visited him in the hospital before she left Israel and she told him I loved him. I'm just glad he knew how I felt, because he never missed an opportunity to tell me he loved me.

So Robert, if there is anyone waiting for me when my time comes, I would hope it is you. I could do with another one of those hugs right now and I can't wait to see what bow tie they have prepared for you there. I hope it's shiny!

I thought we had more time. Yet again, time made a fool of me and I am just a hair too late.

It makes me so desperately sad.