Macau. Macoma.

In order to make up for my ridiculously serious and somewhat downer of a post from last week, I have decided to write a new post. This one is dedicated to my friend Erin, who swears one day she is going to write a blog containing facts people didn't know about China before they moved here, that may have changed their minds about doing so. Erin, not to steal your thunder, but here goes:

1. Designer labels are always in. They may not be real, they may not be good copies, but if they have a designer label or logo on them, they are in. Buy them. Wear them. No matter what they look like, no matter if you think they match. Do it or be totally uncool here. No one cares if they're real either. Just wear it.

2. Sequins, glitter, feathers, fringe, crystals, bows, frills, lace, rips, etc. You name it, they wear it. If it is a trimming that screams "LOOK AT ME", it must be worn and worn with pride.

3. High heels. Wear them all the time. Jeans, shorts, pajamas (which are always acceptable on the street here), skirts, leggings, jeggings, or tunics with nothing underneath. Cobblestones, pavement, dirt, scooters. Whatever the mode of transport, whatever the outfit.

4. Mismatching is always in. That one is self-explanatory.

5. Screaming is the only way to talk to each other. On the cell phone or in person or up to the window from the street. Just scream, they hear you better. There's a big joke amongst the ex-pats here that if a taxi driver doesn't understand our Cantonese the first three times we say it, if we scream it at them in a very frustrated tone, they get it. You wouldn't believe how true this is.

6. Long lunches are definitely in. If you need to get something done on your lunch break and don't have an appointment, don't bother. Chances are the two hour lunch is going to lap your one hour lunch.

7. You will get stared at. A lot. Constantly. We stick out.

8. They speak a little English in Macau. Enough for you to get by with your dumbed down broken English and hand gestures. They speak more of it in HK. At least most of the signs are translated to English as well. Not so much on the mainland. They've never really heard of English. But everyone will speak to you in Cantonese or Mandarin as if you know it. If you don't, it will make you feel very ignorant. No worries, you're not alone.

9. Avoid clothes and shoe shopping here if you can help it. It only leads to frustration and anger. This has been proven time and time again.

10. What happens here, stays here. We have a new nickname for Macau - Macoma. When we come home from Macau, give us time. It will be hard, but maybe don't ask us what happened at all. Whatever you do, don't press us. If it wasn't completely insensitive, I would liken being here to being at war. We spend a lot of time on the sauce here because there is little else to do and we have had some very rough times. This may lead to gaps in our memories. We will most likely not be ourselves when we come home. We're still in there, but we've changed. Our vocabulary may be dumber, our eyes a little more vacant... But we'll be back.

This place is hard to explain. It is even harder to live. I promise. It may sound ridiculous, but we do have a good support group here. We understand each other. We support each other. So if when we get home, all we want to do is talk to each other for a little while, try to understand. Just be patient.

That being said, I can't wait to find myself back in the loving arms of the States. No matter how messed up that place is, no matter how much shit we get ourselves into, no matter how much the rest of the world can't stand us, it's home. And like everyone here knows: I'm from the South, we're different.

So today, as I sit drinking an Australian beer because it's the best we get out here, wishing it was an Abita Strawberry (which I can only hope my mother is stockpiling for my triumphant return), wearing my Saints T-shirt, thinking about the seasons of American football I missed, thinking about all the people I miss, thinking about all the time I've missed, I can only smile because I know how awesome it will feel to be home and catch up with everyone.

I'll get there soon, just give me a little more time.

PS. Thanks for the post Erin, I'll leave the rest to your blog. Which will be much funnier and more comprehensive than mine. : ) xoxox

PPS. The only way to buy DVDs here is through the flourishing pirate DVD industry. Sometimes you find real gems like Season 6 of Weeds whose DVD menu plays A Whole New World from Aladdin. This is common here; yesterday, whilst walking through the mainland, Sally and I noted that Silent Night, the perennial classic Christmas carol was playing in a park area. Random? YES. Welcome to China, we hope you enjoy your stay.