Fleetwood Mac said it best: Never break the chains.

Sometimes life starts spinning out of control and instead of grabbing onto it, we kick that proverbial ball and it just spins away, forgetting that we're supposed to be on board.

I think somewhere in this past week/weekend of mine, my ball starting rolling and ran away without me. I kicked that kinetic ball of life and it said "thanks for breaking the chains" and escaped as quickly as it could. I'm left holding the remains of those chains and wondering why I kicked it, what prompted me to kick it, and what I might be able to do to get it back.

I'm a control freak, Type-A personality through and through. When I start to feel out of control, I bake or throw myself into work with a reckless abandon. I baked a lot this weekend and today at work, I want time to pass as quickly as possible so I can go home and maybe take a sleeping pill to forget everything for 9 hours or so until I wake up tomorrow, and so on and so forth until my life gets tired of rolling and we find each other again.

I don't think I expect too much from life, but I do wish it would give me a little bit better of a chance. Or maybe I should say, I wish it would let me give myself a little bit of a chance because quite often when I get a glimmer of something good and hopeful, I manage to snuff it out post haste. What is it about basic human instinct that disallows us from just letting ourselves be happy and relinquishing control of those things we can't really manipulate to begin with?

I need a beach in my future. Stat.