I had a conversation with my roommate the other night, Erin. She told me “You have to tell the world the truth Alex. Tell them what its really like.” I promised I would. So here it goes.
God, I hate Asia. And when I say Asia, I really mean China. I dislike the cheesy Christmas decorations, because, can we be honest? Christmas should always be tasteful, not tacky. Don’t get me wrong, I think I like Christmas more than the average person, I wore a blue sequined Santa hat the day I was leaving for goodness sake. But the Chinese take it to a whole new level.
I dislike travelling in Asia because of instances like going to sit in my seat on my second flight, been up since 430am and seeing a couple already sitting there. Politely gesturing towards my seat. MY seat. They feign ignorance. I say with a tight, but polite smile (knowing how this will continue), “I’m 14G. That’s my seat.” More signs of ignorance. Sigh. Fish for boarding pass, I already know where I’m SUPPOSED to be sitting. Retrieve said boarding pass. Gesture towards seat number. “14G. (gesture towards me) Mine.” We have established that their English is limited by this point. No problem, been here before. More talking amongst themselves. Finally, begrudgingly, moving over. Me: “thank you, so much for your cooperation.” 10 minutes later, the man, who is cold because he cannot properly cover himself with the blanket he’s been provided, turns my fan off. Even though I vocalize, “Um, excuse me.” Pays no attention. Fine. I’ll turn it back on myself. And I do. I need a drink and we haven’t even pushed back from the gate at Tokyo on what will be a 10.5 hour flight. Joy. About 3 hours after take off, I go to the restroom and when I return, the woman sitting next to me has placed her head on my head rest and appears to be sleeping. I say to myself, “Well, aren’t we cozy.” She "wakes up" and moves over. And there are still six hours to go. Plane rides, particularly Trans-Oceanic flights, are not for me. So then I got accidentally drunk. After I had to flag down the steward with my dinner (special meals - the way to GO.) because my seat had been changed at the gate. Last minute, no audio in my old seat. The stewardess admonishes me for not letting them know about my seat change. Oh lady, I’m doing the best I can.
Erin and I spent the past week baking and staying up late and trying to get ready for Christmas and travelling over Christmas. We were very productive and quite successful. One of the better months leading up to Christmas I’ve ever had. Certainly better than last year. I mean, it’s just more fun when there’s someone around to share in the seasonal cheer. I have to admit, our Christmas tree looked VERY festive with all of the presents underneath it. I even got ClaraCamille, my chameleon, a present. I set her up with a new cage, much more jungle like. I even got her 250 MOP worth of new plants and put them in the cage. She loves it. I hope the plants can survive til I get back. When I transferred her to the new cage, she didn’t hiss at me even once. She wasn’t happy to be on my arm, but she didn’t hiss at or even try to bite me. I think my baby’s growing up. SO PROUD.
PS Erin: When I drink, I think my hearing goes. That movie is getting SUPER quiet or I’m getting SUPER deaf. Also, watched some awesome hangover movies. Crazy, Stupid, Love. And Something Borrowed. Something good to watch in a flannel shirt and sweatpants. Because we, as Uncle and Grandpa, are SORT OF hip to what the kids are wearing these days, but sort of … well, not.
I’m so tired I’m delirious. My eyes are burning with tired. No sleep til Brooklyn. That’s going to make for a lovely layover/connection in LA. Just LET them tell me I missed my flight. I will go Colombiana on their ass. Which, coincidentally, I also watched this journey. Decent movie. Love Zoe Saldana. LOVE Michael Vartan. Since Alias. Call me already. Damn.
After that rant about travelling I wrote some Christmas cards, only slightly inebriated, and got reacquainted with my Christmas spirit. This leads me to remember how lovely Japan was to travel through. And I never set foot out of the airport. They were everything the Chinese are not: friendly, helpful, smiling, polite, clean, earth-concious, organized, efficient. I CANNOT WAIT to travel Japan. Maybe April with Quentin? ERIN… Get on board people: sake, Mt. Fuji, cherry blossoms, hot springs, origami, culture, sushi…! Who does NOT want in on this???
Also, everyone needs a roommate like Erin Roderick. She bakes with me, cooks with me (and sometimes for me), drinks with me, parties with me, helps me do my laundry, drinks with me, agrees with me, travels with me, and most importantly, waxes her legs with me… We took vacation an evening early and spent the night in Hong Kong last night because Lord knows I wasn’t going to make an 8am flight coming from Macau, so it was entirely better to get to HK the night before. We were on the same elevator out of work, on the same bus to our apt, made the 8pm ferry and were checked into the hotel by 10, drinking a celebratory Christmas Vacation beer by 1015. We had dinner and conversation and were in bed by 12. I wish everyone an Erin this Christmas. She completes me.
People have GOT to learn to sleep sitting up. Especially when you don’t know the person in the aisle seat next to you. Can we just discuss how awkward it is to have a complete and total stranger sleeping on your shoulder? And we all know how much I value my personal space.
Wow. Can’t sleep for shit and then the man next to the woman sleeping in my personal space vomits into his water cup. This truly is the flight that NEVER ends.
He only retched once more after that. Rubbish. NO SLEEP TIL BROOKLYN.
No seriously, I think I only slept for one hour on that flight. It is now…407 in the morning Macau time, going on 24 hours with only 4.5 of sleep. Maybe ten hours in the past two days. Gonna sleep goooooood tonight. Even if it is on the air mattress. Mom.
Let me start this section of my entry by noting that I avoid LAX at all costs. I will fly through anywhere but there if I can help it at all. Tragically, on this journey, all the tickets were booked and I had no other options. BOOK YOUR TICKETS WELL IN ADVANCE. We got into LAX right on time, then sat on the tarmac for 20-30 minutes. Of course, I was having heart palpitations the entire time about being late for my 1020 flight. I finally collected my bag and rechecked it, only to discover that at 940 the security line was 10 times as long as I would have liked it to be. Why do we even have to go through security again? They should really work on a secure way to get international travelers to their domestic connections without having to go through security again. So I’m panicking and several people helped me get through the security line. They kept finding people for me to slide in front of and I am so grateful to each and every one of them because I sincerely believe I would not have made that flight without them. I made it to the gate at 10 and they were boarding Zone 3. Not a moment too soon. I hate LAX, but their travelers were lovely. Thanks to all involved in getting me through that atrocious line. Merry Christmas, you made mine!
Now, I am almost home. I am tired. Exhausted. I want to stay awake until tonight, but knowing how last time went, 8pm will roll around and I’ll go to bed only to wake up at 3am. Considering my lack of sleep on this trip and the week leading up to it, however, I miiiiiight be Ok. I’m pretty sure I would be Ok sleeping on the floor or in the carport at this point. I mean I am THAT tired. Did I mention no sleep till Brooklyn? God, are we at Brooklyn yet? Maybe if I just close my eyes for a minute to rest them…
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